St Trinians

Contemporary re-imagining of the naughty schoolgirl saga ST TRINIANS, which finds the young ladies having to club together in order to save their academic home from bankruptcy.

Rupert Everett (in full Camilla Parker-Bowles drag) stars as Camilla Frinton, headmistress of the infamous St Trinian's school for girls, which is facing two distinct problems: first, the bank is threatening St Trinian's with closure and second, the new Education Minister, Geoffrey Thwaite (Colin Firth) is determined to bring discipline and order to the anarchic school.

Fortunately, the resourceful pupils have a plan to save the school. Under the influence of cool head girl Kelly (Gemma Arterton) and new girl Annabelle (Talulah Riley), the girls (including Lily Cole, Tamsin Egerton and Juno Temple) come up with a plan to steal a famous painting and fence it to Camilla's ne'er-do-well brother (also Rupert Everett) with the assistance of charming spiv Flash Harry (Russell Brand).


Rupert Everett is extremely funny as Camilla and his romantic scenes with a remarkably game Colin Firth (there are countless jokes about Firth's career and he even reprises the Mr Darcy wet shirt shot) are priceless. There's also strong comic support from Russell Brand and Jodie Whittaker (as the dozy school secretary), while Talulah Riley and Gemma Arterton are both superb as the two lead girls.

Parker and Thompson maintain a lively directing style and a high gag rate, ensuring that even if one joke falls flat, there's another one right behind it. They've also been surprisingly successful in updating the franchise, with cliques consisting of Emos, Chavs and Geeks, as well as a crowd-pleasing cameo by Girls Aloud in school uniforms.


The strangest thing about the film is how tame it all is, despite a couple of risque jokes and drug references – there's not a hint of sex and the girls only make drugs rather than taking them.


In short, St Trinians is surprisingly good fun and certainly not the disaster it could have been (think Spice World). Worth seeing.

I can’t think why St Trinian’s fell out of fashion. It is the greatest public school Ealing ever invented. I wanted to board there at the age of 8, utterly ignorant of the fact that Frank Launder and Sidney Gilliat’s 1950s films simply put human flesh on Ronald Searle’s scandalous cartoons. The girls – actually “gals” on the scratchy black-and-white originals – were vaguely saucy, heroically nonconformist, and shared a knack of waving hockey sticks and getting away with blue murder.

Oliver Parker’s high-heeled version of St Trinian’s is a spiky, topical joy. Despite the micro-skirts, fishnet stockings, and catwalk models, including Lily Cole, the raunch factor rarely exceeds a Carry On tease. But the 2008 female clans are neatly mapped out when new girl, Annabelle (Talulah Riley), is paraded past emos, geeks, posh totty, chavs and first year sopranos.

Every one of these girls is guilty until proved innocent, and the hardline Mr Clean-up is Colin Firth. St Trinian’s is a disciplinary disaster area. The teachers’ common room resembles a Soho dive bar. The exam results are a national disgrace. The chemistry lab is a vodka distillery. The school encapsulates all the evils of private education. And Firth is determined to destroy this carbuncle on the bottom of the education system in the full glare of television lights and the tabloid press.

The plot – to save the school from scheming bastards – is frankly old hat. But Colin Firth’s humiliation is a thing of wonder. His entire career on screen and stage is beautifully sent up before our eyes. The bête noire is the utterly fabulous headmistress, Camilla Fritton, played by Rupert Everett. Her toothy smile is probably less pleasing than it was yesterday, and her bosoms have anchored around her waist. But the old fruit has a hold over Firth that no film, actor, bit-part player or contract can possibly deny. They were lovers at Oxford. “It was another time,” murmers Miss Fritton, licking her teeth. “It was Another Country,” sighs Firth.

I’m afraid the film-spotters’ entries multiply as Firth is tossed into a fountain (Bridget Jones), humped by a dog called D’Arcy, thrown into a lake (Pride and Prejudice), forced to explain the theft of Vermeer’s Girl with a Pearl Earring, and caught naked by the tabloids throwing open the curtains in a room he shouldn’t be in (Life of Brian).


Rupert Everett ... Miss Fritton / Carnaby Fritton
Colin Firth ... Geoffrey Thwaites
Jodie Whittaker ... Beverly
Gemma Arterton ... Kelly
Jonathan Bailey ... Casper
Mischa Barton ... JJ French
Antonia Bernath ... Chloe
Russell Brand ... Flash Harry
Anna Chancellor ... Miss Bagstock
Cheryl Cole ... St. Trinian's Schoolgirl (as Cheryl Tweedy)
Lily Cole ... Polly
Nadine Coyle ... St. Trinian's Schoolgirl
Theo Cross ... The Art Teacher
Kathryn Drysdale ... Taylor
Tamsin Egerton ... Chelsea
Paloma Faith ... Andrea
Gabriel Fleary ... Masseur
Stephen Fry ... Quiz Host
Jody Halse ... Guard 2
Sarah Harding ... St. Trinian's Schoolgirl
Victoria Harrild ... Moorcroft
Lena Headey ... Miss Dickinson
Celia Imrie ... Matron
Toby Jones ... Bursar
Amara Karan ... Peaches
Cloe Mackie ... Tania
Holly Mackie ... Tara
Caterina Murino ... Miss Maupassant
Lucy Punch ... Verity Thwaites
Talulah Riley ... Annabelle Fritton
Nicola Roberts ... St. Trinian's Schoolgirl
Tereza Srbova ... Anoushka
Juno Temple ... Celia
Kimberley Walsh ... St. Trinian's Schoolgirl
Fenella Woolgar ... Miss Cleaver